What if We all Cared?

Good evening!

Hope your Memorial Day was blessed 🇺🇸

This year we did not attend any memorial services nor parties. .

We had family time . .

Plain and simple.

As I’ve been working as many hours as I can possibly handle, today was my first day off since . . well, it’s been a while .. Maybe May 11-12 for Matt’s school testing?! And so today was special for us!! We woke early (well I actually slept very little last night) and piddled around the apartment a while before heading out. We got a light lunch then went to a couple parks (I’ll post pictures later). . . took my Mom to one (1) park with us . . After hiking in 96°F heat we made a crucial supply stop at Family Dollar then headed home. . ahhhh . . home.. .

I had Matt get a shower then had him bathe Manicotti.. . then Matt got another shower . . yeah, a lot to be said for free hot water!! 🚿 I began to deep clean the bedroom then got a nice shower myself (I tend to be long on caregiving and short on self-care) . . why do showers feel sooooo good?!?!?!

And now?

Well, we are munching pizza and watching “Pan” . . . family time is nice . . home and quiet and safety and peace. . that feeling of being loved and accepted we can get nowhere else.

Although I’ve been posting some the last few days I’ve been mentally absent as I’ve been praying through some things . . some things really need a lot of time and prayer. . it is so easy to simply do whatever we want and rely on God to forgive us . . but it’s not that simple . . it really isn’t. . once we are saved and know even some of His Will on a subject we are to obey that. I have been crosschecking myself six (6) ways and back to make sure I am in His Divine Will as I proceed.

Yes, I do fully realize I am saved by grace and Jesus will forgive my mistakes.

But ..

It’s not a mistake if you knew it was wrong when you did it.

Then it is blatant disobedience.

I have sought the counsel of three (3) separate unrelated pastors and received the same answer from each . . and three (3) is Biblical in confirmation . . and so I know God is not expecting me to sit and wait for my husband to return.

Where does this leave me?

I will of course continue to pray for him just as I pray for so many others. . . I will still care . . these years of prayer have caused me to fall back in love with him and I suspect that feeling will take a long time to go away . . and, should he decide to return, he will be welcomed as part of our family . . even if we can no longer be a couple.

And so, I am hoping and praying for a man to come into my life who sees marriage as a covenant with God and not just an easily abandoned convenience. A man who understands that, even if we split up for a while, we have promised God we will remain one flesh and so will pray and work hard to reunite.

That man.

But I am not actively looking for a man . . not by any means. . I am so busy with caring for Matt, work and a myriad of chores related to both . . I am focused elsewhere . . and, honestly, I am leery of relationships. . been too badly hurt too many times . . and, seriously, it will take a pretty special man to understand about Matt’s autism and how it affects our home life. . . he will need to be extremely patient and understanding with a good sense of humor . .

I need that man.