As I sit exhausted, overheated, praying and puzzling a few things come to mind . . some are things I must work towards or resolve . . some make me question . . I am so blessed to have this son ..
and am grateful when we are able to spend quality time together . . this week has been an odd (as in this doesn’t happen often) mess of teen male hormones with an aspergers twist . . I am exhausted (did I say that already??) to tears even after a nice morning swim and a decent afternoon nap . . this week he seems bent on breaking my heart . . yet, as evening begins to settle in, I can see a gentler sweet Matt reemerging. . . maybe this week will be better . . . . . one thing that came from the sass was a realization that he would like to have his own apartment one day . . so I may begin teaching him money management soon! He does, however, have to finish high school before he moves . . he’ll be home a few more years. .. . and the boy who was never leaving home is growing into the man who wants his independence. . . this will mean watching him make his own mistakes . . watching him get hurt . . this will be really really rough for me as I’ve spent so many years protecting him (or at least trying to) . . I’m thinking parenting an iver-trusting adult with aspergers could be way more painful than all he went through as a child!!
So, as I look for our new home . . remember I told you I plan to move when my lease is up in October?? . so the new place needs to be where I can be happy alone . . but also a safe place for Matt to come home and find refuge when the world periodically chews him up and spits him back out . . as the world so often loves to do. . 🌎
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