Time for a little soul searching, mind bending, heart rending honesty about how I feel and where I am . .
*WARNING: this may be too honest and it will not be grammatically correct*
So I am feeling less . . not enough for God to use me in a mighty way . . and definitely having nowhere to fit in . . nowhere I am welcome as is . . it is funny (sad) to listen to/observe how others view me . . . . . . not good enough . . stuck up . . not saved . . too religious . . . . on and on and on . . . . . I have been in Toledo 1 1/2 years and still don’t have a best friend. . you know, that one girlfriend I can openly chat with about anything . . funny how I’ve finally been ready, after years as a loner, to have a close friend again and just can’t seem to make that connection . . not just someone I can text/call but someone who initiated texts/calls to me too! π
{10.8.18 @12:02am}
So, it is late . . I am going to stop and pray and embroider a bit . .
{12:33am}
I have to be who God is calling me to be . . and that may simply mean that I need to remain a loner, at least for the most part.
And I know that God is doing so much in my life . . the homeless survival bags bless my life as much as they bless the recipients! The joy of knowing someone lost now knows God’s love . . that’s such a feeling!
And I know I still have my calling . . to be a Pastor’s wife . . and out there somewhere is a man praying as hard for me as I am praying for him.
You see, for me to fulfill my calling and fully serve God I NEED a man after God’s own heart . . a man who lives to serve God . . a man who can see that serving together will accomplish more for the kingdom than serving alone. . . and so I will keep praying for him . .
Meanwhile . .
I have to go forward alone. I am so done wondering when I’ll find a close girlfriend I can really trust . . AND when “Mr. On Fire for Jesus” will show up and present himself . . both situations are what they are . .
And life goes on . . helping the homeless (they are my heart) . . . settling my sweet Matt into school . . improving my blog . . finishing some of my Bible studies . . paying down/off bills. . . hiking (in the woods and urbex) . .. and even more intentional prayer time!!
Until God moves in my life I’m going to sit back and enjoy it just as it is!!!
good idea! Enjoy life now! Things will happen all in good time! xox
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Amen to that!! πππ
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ππ
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I can empathize with the lack of having a special friend. Iβm lucky to have a wonderful sister, but we donβt live close enough together to see each other often.
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I’ll keep praying about it and see what happens . shifting, though, back from that and concentrating on all He has me doing πβΊπ
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As I sit back and breathe deeply I can see He has my time filled with people who really need me close . . need my love, attention and prayers. . and I feel He is teaching me to rely on Him 100% so that I’ll be okay in times ahead ππ
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