I am so broken right now. What I want.. what I so desperately need is oftentimes way more than I can handle.. well, in all honesty, it’s more than I can handle alone.

A while back (few weeks?) I made a decision I felt at the time I had to make for self-preservation. It was a relief yet totally heartbreaking.

Now, as I look back.. well, it was the decision I had to make to keep myself whole. But.. I also regret the decision.

I was sitting alone in a relationship. There was communication that was dwindling .. really all the necessary aspects of a growing thriving wholesome relationship had never been there or were more than fading away. Months of chats were turning into fewer and fewer quick tidbits.

I was watching a marriage I had once thought God was restoring slip away once again. There seemed nothing more I could do. I’d prayed and prayed for this man, for who I needed to be as a wife, for our little family.

I just wasn’t seeing, after 19+ years of prayer, a consistent interest from him in being a responsible father and husband. The total lack of concern about his son and myself and our situation or needs baffled me. His statement that he couldn’t be expected to provide financial support when he didn’t even have enough money for his own needs was beyond my comprehension.

So I simply walked away.

I quit paying his phone bill for him, which shut off his phone on the spot.

And that seemed to not phase him in the slightest.. there was no text or call from a friend’s phone to see if we were ok…

There was, and has been, Nothing. 🚫

Like we never existed.

God’s way of saying, “Enough! Let him go, this man who was engaged to another while you were pregnant and still married. Who never, in 20 years paid a dime of child support… Let.him.go!”